The Power of "Of Course" in Parenting: Validating Emotions and Building Trust
In the intricate dance of parenting, one of the most delicate steps involves navigating our children's emotions. Often, when faced with complaints or expressions of distress from our kids, our instinct might be to dismiss or rationalize away their feelings. We will do this to rescue ourselves and/or our child from discomfort, to push our agenda because we feel we know better, or to avoid inconvenience. However, there's a simple yet profound phrase that can transform these moments from relationship pitfalls into opportunities for connection and understanding: "Of course."
"Of course" is not just a combination of two words; it's a powerful tool that communicates empathy, validation, and trust. When we respond to our children's complaints or emotions with "Of course," we acknowledge their feelings as valid and understandable. This acknowledgment lays the foundation for a deeper connection and fosters trust between parent and child.
Consider this scenario: Your child comes home from a long day at school and expresses reluctance to attend swim practice. Instead of brushing off their concerns or insisting they go anyway, you respond with empathy: "Of course you don't want to go to swim practice today. You had a long day of school and you're tired." In that moment, you're not just acknowledging their reluctance; you're validating it, showing them that you understand and empathize with their feelings.
By using "Of course," you're also giving your child permission to trust themselves and their emotions. You're affirming that it's okay to feel what they're feeling, which can be incredibly empowering for a child. This validation helps them develop a sense of self-awareness and emotional intelligence, laying the groundwork for healthy coping mechanisms and decision-making skills in the future.
Furthermore, responding with "Of course" can help decrease power struggles between parent and child. Rather than imposing your agenda or dismissing their feelings, you're creating a space for open communication and mutual respect. This approach fosters a collaborative relationship where both parent and child feel heard and understood.
It's important to note that using "Of course" does not equate to permissiveness. Acknowledging your child's feelings does not mean giving in to every whim or desire. Instead, it sets the stage for a constructive dialogue where you can explore alternatives and find solutions together.
After responding with "Of course," when the dust has settled, you can further engage your child by using logic and reasoning to address the situation. For instance, you might discuss ways to manage their tiredness, remind them of how they feel after they swim, or explore the benefits of attending swim practice despite their reluctance. By approaching the situation from a place of empathy and understanding, you're teaching your child valuable skills such as problem-solving and resilience.
In essence, "Of course" is more than just a phrase; it's a crucial step in building trust and connection with your child. It validates their emotions, empowers them to trust themselves, and fosters a collaborative relationship based on empathy and understanding. So the next time your child expresses a complaint or emotion, remember the power of "Of course" and watch as it transforms the dynamic between you and your child for the better.
“Of course” I’m always here for you,
Morgan