TEMPERAMENT SERIES PART 4: ADAPTABILITY
After a long summer hiatus, I am back (and excited to be here)! This month’s post on adaptability is very appropriate considering the fact that my long hiatus was due, in part, to my lack of adaptability (who knew?!?!). This isn’t a characteristic I have given much attention to. I like my routine and love a good schedule, but until this summer I wasn’t aware of how this temperament trait could affect my everyday life. A little background…
First things first. On July 2, 2023 we were fortunate enough to welcome a new member to our family: a golden retriever puppy we named Poppy. She is adorable and sweet and cuddly… And she rocked. My. World. Between the 4:45 am wake-up calls, the potty accidents in my clean house, and the additional animal to worry about, I nearly lost my mind. The bandwidth I had previously reserved for creativity and initiative was sapped by this tiny, furry creature. I felt completely hijacked by unforeseen emotions - crying jags, yelling over nothing, second-guessing my decision-making - and lost my ability to self-regulate. Luckily, with some time and space I have become comfortable with my new normal and now I can’t imagine life without our furry daughter. I have also been able to reflect on what my experience has taught me about my own temperament and the mistakes I made because of my failure to consider it.
Those of us who are low in adaptability (myself included, apparently) struggle with transitions, changes in routine, and surprises. These occurrences hijack our nervous system sending us into a state of dysregulation: fight or flight. For me the trigger was a new puppy, but for your kids it might be something as seemingly innocuous as the transition from watching tv to turning it off, getting in and out of the car, or learning that the soccer game is canceled. Unfortunately for me (and my family, too), I did not utilize any of the following strategies which can be incredibly effective for those of us who struggle with adaptability:
Maintain a baseline of predictability with structure and routine. Too many transitions at once are overwhelming.
Avoid stacking transitions unnecessarily (e.g getting in/out of the car multiple times).
Name predictable transitions ahead of time and allow time for processing.
Describe upcoming transitions/changes in routine in as much detail as possible.
Offer forewarning before a transition (5 more minutes, 5 more times).
Allow for closure of one activity prior to transitioning to another.
Validate feelings of discomfort and celebrate wins (“You were so flexible!”).
I really wish I had given myself the gift of these tools before Poppy’s arrival. I look forward to hearing if these strategies are helpful for you and/or your child!
Sending flexibility your way,
Morgan